The Universal Archives: Paladins
by dragonserpent18
Summary: The characters go into the world of Final Fantasy 4, via a Dimensional Transporter. Join our cast as they live through this affectionate parody of Final Fantasy 4. Warning: Don't take this seriously.
1. Into the World

**Hello everyone! I am so sorry I am late! But that will happen tomorrow as well, I'm afraid. Nevertheless, I am now here. And I can get into the story I promised. Keep in mind this uses the 2005 version, and it is an affectionate parody of Final Fantasy 4 (SNES version, by the way). Now let's get into it.**

 **Chapter 1: Into the World**

"This here, in my Inventing Room, is my Dimensional Transporter. It's something I worked on when I was younger, but finally finished. I'm aware it sounds like a Plot Device created by a nutty mastermind, but this thing is quite good at its job." Willy said while showing the kids his invention.

"Have you ever used it before?" Mike asked with curiosity.

"Yes I have, and it's very fascinating. Not only that, but it can transport people to it, so long as I home in on their location. Observe as I bring Augustus back here, completely clean."

"Why do that?" Veruca asked. Everyone, including Charlie, glared at her.

Violet snidely replied, "You sound so concerned about his well-being."

"Why are you criticizing? Admit it that he should be gone so you can get your filthy hands on the prize."

"FILTHY!?"

"Relax you two," Mike intervened. "Violet would rather win it fair and square, right? And her hands are not filthy. The Imps have filthy hands. Them and their low chance of obtaining a crappy summon." Mike walked off and started grumbling.

His dad explained, "He's been frustrating himself with this game called Final Fantasy 4. He has horrible luck, as you can see."

They suddenly heard Mike shout, "I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR THE STUPID THING FOR FIVE HOURS! WHY WON'T IT DROP?!"

Violet said to them, "Now that's dedication. Anyway, how are you going to get Augustus back?"

Wonka answered, "Well, I have to answer Veruca's "why" question. And if I don't, the fans will get me and besides, the next chapter requires five players." He looked straight at the person reading this story right now and winked.

Violet asked, "Why were you winking at a wall?"

Wonka said, "Don't argue! Plot Devi-I mean, Dimensional Transportation-nope wrong again-Dimensional Transporter-there we go-, do your thing!" Out of the Dimensional Transporter came Augustus, completely clear of any chocolate.

"You know," Charlie implied. "You could have had him already be here and the audience wouldn't know the difference."

"Yes, but then the ones who are sticklers for certain canonical things would get miffed." He looked again at the reader and winked. "Violet, have we provided enough filler for this chapter?"

Violet picked up the script and said, "Yeah, it says here that we've used up enough time. Wait, where did I get this?"

Wonka grabbed the script and threw it in the fire. "There, now the author can ad-lib like he usually does!"

Veruca asked, "What are you talking about-"

"JUST GET IN THE TRANSPORTER!"

They all went inside, except the parents who all tripped for no reason (There had to be a reason they couldn't be in this story). The transporter then began moving through time and space.

"Here we are moving along! Now things are running smoothly, so...wait a minute. Something doesn't seem right." Everything started to shake all of a sudden. Everyone started to begin letting go of hands as the machine began to break down.

"What's happening?" Veruca asked in a panic.

"I don't know! I think the author is trying to copy Pokemon Mystery Dungeon when they get separated "COMPLETELY BY ACCIDENT" and not with sabotage."

Mike shouted, "Can we stop with the filler?"

They all screamed and spun around. The children let go of Wonka's hand and he floated away. The children awoke in a field before seeing a castle right in front of them. Two soldiers with swords came to them and said, "Who are you?" They all simply raised their hands in fright.

 **That's the chapter! Again, this is only the beginning. Tomorrow's chapter may or may not be late, so brace with me! See you guys tomorrow and take care!**


	2. Imps Everywhere

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, Yes they are in front of Baron Castle. Now the parody of Final Fantasy 4 can really come in. Let's get right to it!**

 **Chapter 2: Imps Everywhere**

Inside the castle, they stood before a man in sacred armor, long white hair, and a crystal sword in his hand. "Welcome to my castle. I am Cecil Harvey, king of Baron. What brings you travelers in strange clothing?"

"Hey! Our clothes look fine, King who has "Harvey" for a last name!" Mike remarked.

"Your confused and angry nature is expected. After all, our guards are a little overzealous. I mean, one demonic turtle comes in and kills the king(and considering he was an Eidolon makes that part even more confusing) makes them a bit jumpy. I must know what you are doing here, however."

"We're trying to get back home. We came here from another dimension," Charlie stated.

Cecil said, "That makes perfect sense. But I only know of one way to really figure things out."

Mike replied, "Let me guess. It's going to take forever, and it involves a series of frustrating random encounters on a regular basis, followed by boss fights that have way too much HP?"

"Exactly! I can only say that the Village of Mist might help you out. By the way, if you happen to get there, can you send this to a friend of mine? She has green hair and is wearing skimpy clothing." He handed them a package. "Also, don't open it."

Violet asked, "Is there something you don't want us to see?"

Cecil got really close to her and said, "DON'T. OPEN. IT."

When they left the castle, they looked around the field. It was empty, just like before. They walked a little and some weird sound was heard. The world around also turned into pixels, which hurt everyone's eyes. Now all of a sudden, weird yellow monsters with green clothes were walking around.

Violet asked, "What are those things?"

Veruca said, "I don't know, but we're unarmed and stand no chance. Maybe Mike knows what they are."

"IMPS..."

"What?"

"IMPS...IMPSSSSSSS!" Mike ran after one and started beating it to death.

Everyone stared at him as he went after them one-by-one, slaughtering them with fiendish(pun intended) glee. He spared one and grabbed it. He shouted in it's face. "Where...is...the...imp...with...the...SUMMON?!" The imp pointed to another imp in the bushes. That imp got up and shouted curses at the imp that ratted him out. Mike ran after this lone imp in a circle. It then ran into his fist, and Mike stabbed the imp with his own knife. He began looting the imp. "Let's see, some Cure1's, a Life1, some money...it's here." The music that plays when a member is recruited played as he lifted the summon into the air. "Let's use this baby!" All he heard was a 16-bit fail noise. "I can't use it yet, can I?" Everyone around him shook their heads as he became enraged.

 **That's the chapter! They will be venturing into the wild Mist Cave, and the Village of Mist next. Take care, everyone!**


	3. I had a chapter title, etc

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, I can tell you this. It is set after Final Fantasy: The After Years, so not everything will go the entire way. It will use the SNES rules, however. Rydia is my #1 favorite video game hero of all time. I must say, you're the only one reviewing and I thank you. I also thank missingmontyoum (my new bestie!) for favoriting. Let's go!**

 **Chapter 3: I Had a Chapter Title, but I can't read it because it's covered in mist**

The group continued to watch Mike beat on every imp in the field. "Wow, he sure doesn't like imps," Charlie observed.

Veruca commented, "I'm just glad we haven't run into anything that isn't an imp." Right after saying that, they ran into a Floateye and two Eagles. A Floateye is a demonic monster with light gray body, dark gray wings, tiny legs and a gigantic eyeball. Eagles...are way too bland to care about.

Mike happened to notice the Floateye and GENERIC EAGLES. That's when he snapped again. "YOU...YOU ARE ANOTHER REASON THE SUMMON TOOK TOO LONG TO SEARCH FOR." He charged at them like a Baronian guardsman and beat the snot out of them too.

Veruca said, "All of a sudden, I feel stupid for what I said."

After walking for a while, they found the Mist Cave, like they were searching for. It was a creepy place. Nobody could even see because the mist was so thick. "I can't see anything here," Charlie said. "The mist is so thick." WHICH IS WHAT I JUST SAID. They walked around, and they noticed something was off. "Why does the background music have a second violin?" They turned to see Augustus, who was playing the second violin. When he saw everyone noticed him, he put it away and smiled awkwardly.

They continued to walk, when suddenly a voice called out. "WHO ARE YOU? AND WHY CAN'T I SEE YOU? DARN MIST." They continued to walk with fear. "WATCH OUT!" Charlie stopped because he almost went through a crater in the ground. He looked through it and discovered more mist (HOW ORIGINAL.), but couldn't see any further.

"Wait a minute," Violet said, "If this is a cave, why is there a hole leading to a bottomless pit filled with...mist?"

"DO NOT QUESTION THE MIST. THIS CAVE IS APTLY NAMED THE MIST CAVE FOR A REASON. MIST MIST MIST MIST MIST MIST MIST."

"STOP DOING THAT!" Mike shouted. "Show yourself!"

"VERY WELL." The mist gathered into what was APTLY NAMED, the Mist Dragon. It was a dragon made of...well... **mist**. "I AM THE MIST DRAGON," repeating what I had just stated. "This game refers to me as Mist. D...get it? Mist. D? MISTY? GET IT?" No one said a word. "If you are so insistent on getting through, you must defeat me."

Mike asked, "Don't summoners die when their summoned monster is defeated?"

"WHAT MORON TOLD YOU THAT? THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE AT ALL. IF YOU ARE REFERRING TO MY MOTHER, THE SUMMONED MONSTER SHE HAD OBVIOUSLY SURVIVED. I'M STANDING RIGHT HERE, AREN'T I? IT'S REALLY DEBATABLE WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MOM, BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SEE WHAT HAPPENED! IF ANYTHING, WHY WOULD A SUMMONED MONSTER'S DEFEAT KILL MY MOTHER, INSTEAD OF...I DON'T KNOW...THE BOMB THAT HIT HER VILLAGE? BUT BAD WRITING ASIDE...FIGHT ME!"

All five of them charged the Dragon and started punching it. It turned purple(for some odd, 16-bit limitations reason) and dissipated. Mike explained, "That was the first boss. It wasn't going to be hard. In fact, I'd say it was a mist opportunity." The 16-bit fail sound came on again. Mike looked up and said, "Who asked you?"

They exited the cave and saw the Village of Mist (which incidentally, didn't have any mist around it. A real disappointment). Inside the village they walked to a giant house and entered. When they walked in, they saw Rydia...naked.

Rydia screamed and shouted, "What the heck? I was bathing! What is it with RPG characters barging into people's houses for no reason?" She put on a green leotard and green scarves (still in front of them).

Violet said, "Oh that's what Cecil meant by the skimpy clothing!"

 **That's the chapter! More is here to come, and so stay tuned. IMPORTANT: THERE WON'T BE A CHAPTER ON FRIDAY. I'M ATTENDING SOMETHING. HOWEVER, THAT MEANS THAT THE CHAPTERS WILL START COMING EARLY AGAIN. Take care everyone!**


	4. Rydia

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, I made sure none of them were "missed." To JOHNHAMMOND1993, Yes, but the game isn't going to be the exact same. So let's roll on.**

 **Chapter 4: Rydia**

"What do you mean skimpy clothing?" Rydia asked, putting her hands on her hips.

Violet replied, "You don't wear pants."

Rydia looked at her bare legs and said, "So?"

Mike replied, "Not to mention, we just saw you naked."

Rydia replied, "Bet you'd like to see that again, wouldn't you? Well you're too young for me."

Mike countered, "Didn't you age several years faster because you were in a place where time moves faster?"

Rydia whispered something to him, before seeing the Imp summon in his pocket. "Is that a summon?"

"Yes."

"And it chose you. Which means that you might be the new apprentice! You see, I know of this definitely not made up prophecy that says five new individuals will take our place as the next ones to save the world. Which just makes me realize that peace is over because of this. I'm guessing you are wondering what to do now. Well, judging from the way things are, Mike is destined to become a summoner."

"Huh," Mike said. "That's sounds okay with me. But why can't I use the item?"

Rydia said with a glare, "Did you try to equip it?"

Mike looked with a nervous look. "No..." He used the item instead, and that's when he glowed. He was then wearing a crown and a dark green robe. He also had a wand in his hand. He had turned into a summoner! "So this is what it's like! Cool!"

Rydia looked to the others and said, "I can see the others being destined for the other roles. Except...Charlie."

"What?" Charlie asked in shock. "Me?"

Rydia waved her hands erratically and said, "Don't misunderstand! I meant to say the others will have theirs really soon. You will have to wait for yours."

Charlie asked, "So how do I protect myself?"

Rydia thought for a second. "The monsters will be stronger later on, so this will tricky. Oh I know!" She went back and grabbed dark armor and a black sword. "Cecil left these behind when he was a dark knight. Put these on, and you'll become a dark knight too."

Mike corrected her, "I don't think that's how these things work."

Rydia glared again. "This is the SNES version. The dark knight class is practically useless here. The only reason I'm letting him is because he gets a sword. That will provide enough for now. He'll become very powerful later. Now you must travel past the next city to the castle of Damcyan. Good luck, especially to you, Mike." Rydia blew a kiss to Mike, and they went on their way.

 **That's the chapter! Next comes the desert and the next Castle! Take care everyone!**


	5. The Heart of the Desert

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, It isn't a parody without a fourth wall break :)**

 **Chapter 5: The Heart of the Desert**

"This desert is so hot," Violet complained. "I wish I could just run around in my underwear."

Mike replied, "But then the game would just censor you or remove you outright. I'd say the latter most likely." That's when he spotted something. "What is that?" It was a lamp, it was buried in the sand. "It's some kind of lamp. Better hang on to it."

Charlie blurted out, "Wait! Something's not right. Why are there no monsters here?"

"Maybe zey died?" Augustus asked.

"No," Veruca disagreed. "Mike told me that there are monsters here. So there's only one place they'd be." Mike grabbed the lamp, but then the ground started to shake. Two gigantic jaws came out of the ground and almost chomped on Mike's head. "They're in the ground."

"Really? What was your first guess?" Violet shouted.

They were ambushed by a Sandpede and two Sand Moths. A Sandpede is a centipede from the sand and is totally not linear in terms of design. A Sand Moth is not a moth made of sand, but rather it lives in the desert. Thought I should clear that up. Charlie took his sword and slashed the Sand Moths in two. For some odd reason the sky yelled "SWOON!" just before the Sand Moths dissipated.

Mike summoned the imp and it came out and stabbed the Sandpede. The Sandpede knocked it away with its tail. "I told you guys the summon was terrible." Just then, a chocobo appeared (A chocobo is a giant, fast moving yellow bird). It ran in and kicked the Sandpede, killing it. The Chocobo ran up to Mike with a note tied around its neck. It said...

 _Mike-_

 _Since you can summon now, I figured the Chocobo may be able to help you. Fight well, and you get what I promised you._

 _XOXO,_

 _Rydia_

"What is this promise we keep hearing about?" Violet asked him.

Mike answered, "If we save the world, Rydia will make out with me."

Violet interjected, "Blehh! What is the matter with you! She is way older-"

Mike interrupted, "We are not getting into the confusion again. Just deal with it. Here we are!" They had arrived in Kaipo.

Inside Kaipo was a Moogle (I am not going to explain this one. Just look it up), and the conversation went like this...

Moogle: Welcome to Kaipo! Kupo!

Veruca: I thought it was called Kaipo.

Moogle: It is called Kaipo! Kupo!

Violet: So it's Kaipo Kupo?

Moogle: No, it's Kaipo. Kupo!

Augustus: It is Kupo?

Moogle: No. Kaipo. Kupo!

Veruca: Is it called Kaipo or Kupo?!

Moogle: Kaipo! Kupo!

Charlie: Why do you keep saying Kaipo Kupo?

Moogle: NO! IT IS KAIPO! Kupo!

Mike: Aren't you in the wrong game?

The Moogle ran off into the sand. Just then, they went inside a house, and found a lone woman inside. It was Rosa Farrell(a name better fitting of this game). She was a pretty young woman with sleek, blonde hair, a white dress, a crown, and a cape. She was also not wearing pants. She was also sick as a dog. "Hello, young ones. I am Rosa Joanna Farrell, a white wizard and queen of Baron. I got desert fever again, and I haven't seen the person who was supposed to bring back the Sand Ruby. Would you please bring it to me? I would be able to pass powers on to my apprentice." She pointed around aimlessly.

Veruca said, "No! Not me! I want to wear pants."

"Not you, fair lass," Rosa groggily said. "Him." She was pointing TO AUGUSTUS.

"AUGUSTUS?" Violet shouted in shock. "I pray he gets pants."

Rosa replied, "There's nothing wrong with no pants. You have met Rydia, haven't you?"

Mike raised his eyebrows and said, "Oh yes, we did. We'll get the ruby for you."

Rosa managed to say, "Thank you," before falling asleep. When they exited the building, a man in crystalline armor stood outside. He threw a spear in the air, which Violet caught. He also dropped a package.

He only said, "Hello, new apprentice," and walked away.

Violet said, "Wait, aren't you going to tell me more?"

The man said, "No," and continued to walk away.

Mike responded, "Well, we know who the edgy, brooding anti-hero is."

 **That's the chapter! Next few chapters will progress a little quicker, so it won't feel as slow. Stay tuned for more, and take care, everyone!**


	6. The Dragoon and the Octomammoth

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, she is best girl. Also, you gave me an idea to make a conversation like that later on.**

 **Chapter 6: The Dragoon and the Octomammoth**

They learned that the only way to Damcyan was the Underground Waterway. Inside, they found a hovercraft. "This is from Damcyan," Mike said. "We should use it to get through. Funny thing is, it looks super old. In the game, you can use this, so I'm betting Cecil was too lazy to bring it back."

"I'm not so sure it's ze best idea," Augustus said with worry.

Mike replied, "Don't worry, you just press A to make it turn on. Besides, Damcyan may want it back." They hopped in and started the craft.

While they rode, Violet asked, "By the way, what happened to the package you were supposed to give to Rydia?"

Mike responded, "Well, while we were at the inn, I was going to open it, but then the summoners attacked me and shouted, 'Baronian Terrorist!' They all started beating me until I showed them I could summon. Word to the wise: Don't open a package in the Village of Mist."

Veruca reminded him, "Didn't Cecil tell us not to open it there?"

Mike recalled, "Yeah, and I know why. I went back to Rydia's place after, and once again, she was naked. She was bathing again, and I asked her why the heck they attacked me. She just said to me, 'two words: Bomb Ring.' Then she told me to get out because I wasn't worthy to see her naked again, at least until I saved the world."

Just then a text box appeared above them that said, "Can we please stop with the recurring Rydia nudity gag?"

Mike looked up and said, "You know the fans want to see it."

After a while of driving, they ran to a waterfall. But as they were going to climb it in the hovercraft, a tentacle appeared. Mike said, "I know we were just talking about the touchy subject of nudity, but did a tentacle just appear? And considering this game is Japanese, I find it to be poorly ill timed." The tentacle lashed out and hit them all. It came out in the form of the Octomammoth, a giant, squid-like monster(as ironic as that sounds). "I'll handle this! Lightning1, as the poor translation makes me say!" Mike cast a spell that fired Lightning1, which hit the Octomammoth.

A tentacle lashed out and hit Veruca and Augustus, knocking them out. Another one came after and attempted to hit Mike, but missed. Charlie took his blade and slashed 2 tentacles off, slowing it down. "It gets slowed down by attacking it! Keep pushing!" They hit it again and again until two tentacles were left. But then it attacked Mike, knocking him out.

Violet realized they were in trouble. "I can't let my friends get hurt." She opened the suitcase which contained armor with a dragon helmet. She put it on, armed her spear, and shouted, "Leave my friends alone!" She slashed the Octomammoth, wounding it badly. Just then, she began to glow. When it was done, she didn't look different, but she was now an official Dragoon! Violet saw a new command in the bottom text box that said "JUMP." She flew high into the air at high speed. Charlie used the opportunity to slice off the last two tentacles. Violet landed back down, stabbing the Octomammoth with the spear as she landed. The Octomammoth turned purple and disappeared. "I did it."

Everyone got back up and cheered on Violet. They got back in the hovercraft and drove through the waterfall. On the other side was the exit. But the shocker was there when they went outside. The castle of Damcyan was right there, but it was in ruins.

 **That's the chapter! Next comes the sand ruby and another twist to it. Stay tuned for more! Take care everyone!**


	7. The One to Cause Trouble

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, not quite, but we get some history. Also, a different set of people comes in.**

 **Chapter 7: The One to Cause Trouble**

They walked around the ruins of Damcyan. It was completely silent, and it seemed to hold nothing but destroyed walls and rubble. "This place seems like it was ravaged long before we got here. Hey what's that?"

They all walked to a wall with graffiti on it. "It says: Tellah rulez! Edward is a Spoony Bard!"

"Tellah?" Violet asked.

"Edward?" Veruca asked.

"Spoony Bard?" Charlie asked.

Mike explained, "Tellah was a Sage from Damcyan, where Edward was the Prince. Tellah's daughter ran off to elope with Edward, which Tellah did not want. He went to the castle, which was destroyed by airships. The man responsible was named Golbez. He was the head of the fleet after Cecil left. Golbez was clad in black armor, heartless, and powerful. The destruction killed Tellah's daughter, to which Tellah swore revenge. Tellah managed to weaken Golbez, but Tellah died right after. Golbez has since been a good guy, and has vanished to protect the moon." He saw the weird looks on their faces. "It's much easier to understand than it sounds. If only someone could cast Libra."

"What he says is true." They turned to find the Ninja known as Edge. "This was the first castle that was destroyed. Since then, Damcyan technology has grown. The castle currently flies in the sky and has been long gone. Edward leaves this destroyed castle untouched as a memorial. I am Edge, a ninja from a different kingdom. I'm investigating the new trouble arising."

"Well," Charlie told him. "We are searching for a Sand Ruby."

Edge answered, "You'll find it in the Antlion's Den, behind this castle. Normally, you need permission from Damcyan. But not anymore, as the den has been left behind. Besides, that would mean Edward would have to join you. I mean, he is terrible in battle."

"A king terrible at battle?" Mike said. "Where have I heard that before?"

"You think he's bad? You should see his secretary Harley." Edge physically shuddered at this. "Veruca, incidentally, I have something for you." He handed her two katanas. "These were my first pair of katanas, and you will be able to master them as my apprentice. Good luck."

Veruca said to everyone, "How come I am the ninja? I would rather..." Charlie, who was still a useless dark knight, glared at her. "Never mind. I'm content with what I have."

They went inside the Antlion's Den, which was much smaller than before. "There's the Sand Ruby!" Charlie proclaimed.

"Wait!" Mike shouted, "There's a reason it's called the Antlion's Den!" Out sprang a gigantic, hideous Antlion. But when they drew their weapons...

"Oh, thank goodness! You're here to kill me!" The antlion was talking! "I hate this place, I hate that my sand rubies keep getting taken, and I hate having my jaw is constantly open. Oh, and I hate that my 16-bit sprite is super ugly! Please just kill me! You can use my Sand Ruby, and then take my blood to make a vaccine to cure anyone with desert fever: Just add water!"

Charlie put his weapon away, "I'm not sure I feel comfortable about this anymore. I can't mercy kill an Antlion, even if it is super convenient."

"I can." They turned to see a man clad in dark armor and a black cape.

The antlion said, "Oh goodie! A man in dark armor! That's always a good sign when you want to be dead!"

The man in black said, "I will grant your wish." He cast Virus(or as the real translation is, Bio), which sent a deadly pathological attack. It killed the antlion instantly. He walked up to it, grabbed the ruby and a sample of blood. "I believe you were after this. Good day to you five."

"Wait!" Mike shouted. "Are you Golbez?"

"No," the man answered. "But you may call me that for the sake of avoiding confusion." The man calling himself Golbez walked away.

When they returned to Rosa, they cured her of her illness. "Thank you for saving me. And now as promised," She cast a spell, and Augustus' body glowed. He then came back out of the glowing, wearing a hood and cape, with white pants and a white armored plating underneath. He was now a White Wizard.

"Thank God," Violet said, "He's wearing pants."

Rosa asked them, "So the man calling himself Golbez is here? And that he isn't the real Golbez, just saying he is to avoid confusion? Which in a sense makes it more confusing?"

A text box appeared above them: "From now on, just call him Golbez."

Rosa told them, "Well, he may be after the crystals again. I think you should head to the kingdom of Fabul to learn more. Remember, Veruca and Charlie have not yet received their gifts. Be careful."

"Says the one who got Desert fever for the second time," Mike whispered.

 **That's the chapter! Next one will go further, so stay tuned! Take care, everyone!**


	8. Mother of All Bombs

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, I must ask if you've played the SNES version of the game before. Oh and the gifts are just the classes. Augustus, Violet, and Mike all officially have classes (White Wizard, Dragoon, and Summoner, respectively), but Veruca is not an official Ninja just yet. And Charlie has not yet obtained his class yet. Yes, he's a Dark Knight, but only until he gains his class. To mattTheWriter072, he really is pretending to be Golbez, I just wanted someone to be the successor.**

 **Chapter 8: Mother of All Bombs**

They got to a mountain known as Mt. Hobs. It was blocked by a wall of ice, which Mike casted Fire1 on. "Mt. Hobs, eh? I wonder if Mt. Calvin is nearby."

They climbed up and up (and up and up. Man, this is a tall mountain. They should have just went around it), until they reached the top. At that time, it had grown dark (Because we skipped Edward angsting for his dead fiance like an emo son of a bitch). Just as they were going to go to sleep, they were attacked by Mooks(I did not spell this wrong) in blue and purple robes. The mooks in the robes turned out to be...bombs? Why are there bombs wearing robes? Having a sprite for a bomb isn't that hard, people! Mike summoned the Chocobo and attacked them, Violet used the Jump on them, Veruca and Charlie slashed them up, while Augustus fired arrows and kept the party healed. Just then, a single Bomb showed up.

They attacked it with great might, but they didn't make a scratch on it. "This one is rather resilient," Charlie observed. That's when they looked at the lower screen. This one said MomBomb. "Uh oh," Charlie said in response.

"We're attacking their mother?" Violet shouted. She stabbed the bomb, piercing the head.

Mike said in a panic, "I wish you didn't do that!" The bomb started to expand into a gigantic, hideous, monstrous form. Violet stared at it in fright as it exploded. Violet was down on the ground, with scorch marks on her body. Augustus ran to her aid and began healing her. The MomBomb was gone, but it split into 6 more bomb monsters.

Veruca held out her blades and said, "I will hold them, you all go to Fabul!" They ran to Fabul while Veruca attacked. She slashed two bombs away, and was hit by one explosion from one of them. She threw one katana, destroying one. She slashed with the other, destroying two more. She grabbed her other blade back, and charged at the last bomb. She slashed with both blades, destroying the last bomb once and for all. She then started to glow. When she was done, she was wearing black garb, a mask covering the lower half of her face, and a cape. She had become a Ninja! She then saw a command called Ninjutsu. She looked at one that said Blitz. She used it, thinking she could speed up, but it shot lighting from her fingertips, launching her into the air. She landed in front of the group, who had just reached Fabul.

"Veruca, you've become a Ninja!" Mike proclaimed. "And you look really hot!" He got a glare from Violet. "Don't look at me like that, you are in the awesome outfit."

 **That's the chapter! Next comes Fabul, and then the next part that Final Fantasy fans know and anticipate. Take care, everyone!**


	9. The Very Poorly Secured Castle

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1994, I recommend Final Fantasy 1-7 (except Final Fantasy 3 'ds version', as it sucks really bad), and 9. The rest is up to anyone's opinion, as they didn't really appeal to me. Thank you for reviewing, though.**

 **Chapter 9: The Very Poorly Secured Castle (That hasn't been destroyed yet)**

Inside the castle, they arrived at the throne room, where the king resided. He was no ordinary king, as he wore karate gear and gauntlets with claws. He had a long ponytail as his only hair, aside from that...glorious mustache. Next to him was a girl with pig tails wearing a pink cheongsam with a green vine design. She waved at Augustus. "Hello, children. I am Yang Fang Leiden, leader of Fabul. This is my daughter, Princess Ursula. She seems to be fond of your White Wizard friend." Ursula put her hand down and blushed. "What brings you to my castle?"

"Golbez is back. But not the Golbez you know. Someone has succeeded him," Charlie explained.

"I see. I have seen glimpses of this man you seek. I can't tell you much, except he's just as powerful as the Golbez before him. Best to be careful with him. How about you all spend the night here?"

"That would be nice. It is nightfall, and we haven't slept yet," Charlie stated. "Let's go to sleep, team."

They were all shown rooms, where everyone went to sleep. That is, except for Augustus. He looked out the balcony, observing the night sky. "You couldn't sleep either?" He turned to see it was Ursula.

"I couldn't. Too many of zese things are on my mind. Can I do what they really say? Am I up to ze task? It took me a long time before I fully healed Violet. I hope I don't let zem down."

Ursula told him, "I always wanted to be trained by my father, but he never would let me. In the back of my mind, I thought about whether or not I could handle it. I'm glad I didn't doubt myself." She gave him a hug as she said, "As corny as it sounds, confidence gives you strength. Not too much, not too little, but perfectly balanced. I think you can do it." She kissed him on the cheek, but that's when she spotted something. "Something's moving in the grass. We better tell the others." They woke up everyone, and as they readied for the attack, the monsters busted down the door.

Mike shouted, "Not the weird things in robes again! Why are there monsters with robes? That one is a giant raven! Why does it need a robe? How did it even get a robe?"

Yang braced and said, "I'll take care of this! He used the Kick command and knocked almost all the monsters out. He then however, bounced back too fast, and crashed into an invisible wall.

A text box appeared above them that said, "Don't kick so far you hit the screen, dumbass!" Augustus healed Yang, but this time, it happened faster than usual.

Charlie slashed at the raven, the text box said, "SWOON!" and it dissipated. "Why does my sword keep doing that?" Charlie asked. Violet shrugged her shoulders and used Jump on the last monster. The next set of monsters came in. They removed their hoods, revealing themselves as Imp Captains. They looked different, but were just as pathetic as normal imps. It still made Mike twinge.

"IMP...CAPTAINS..."

Charlie shouted, "Everyone to the next room! He's going to blow!" They fled into the throne room, where they then heard explosions, rumbling and several loud noises. They looked out there to see Mike didn't summon, or cast Black Magic, he was just beating the Imp Captains to death with his wand. When he finished, the rest of them screamed and ran away.

Hours later, they were ready to leave. "Thank you for defending Fabul," Yang said, "How can we thank you?"

Augustus whispered to Mike, who whispered to Yang. Augustus walked over to Ursula, held her close, and kissed her. "Thank you for giving me ze confidence." They all left as Ursula blushed and waved. They walked to a ship reserved for them and set sail.

As they floated along, Mike realized. "You know, we didn't get any information on Golbez from Yang. Then again, he is kind of a crappy king. I mean, how many times has his castle been invaded?"

Violet teased, "Don't say that! He'll soon be Augustus' father in law"

"Stop zat!"

Violet sang, "Ursula and Augustus sitting in a tree! F-U-"

"Wait! What's that!" Charlie shouted. He pointed to a whirlpool. The ship spun around and around inside the whirlpool, as they couldn't stop. A serpent creature came out of the middle however.

"EYYY! WAZZZUUUPPP!" The creature said. "It's ya boi Leviathan! Rydia gave me some summons to hand Mike, because they are horrible! Here you go!"

Mike said as he caught them, "Oh, I get Ifrit, Shiva, and Ramuh!"

"NAH BRUH YOU GET THE POORLY TRANSLATED VERSIONS!" Leviathan said. "You get Jinn, Shiva, and Indra!"

"What's wrong with Shiva?"

"It's pronounced with a long i, bruh. But ey, the reader can't tell, can they? Latah!" He went back in the whirlpool, but then came back with another whirlpool. "Forgot to give you the deetz to go to Mysidia. And thank the elder for the 'burning bush!' See ya!"

"That was weird," Charlie observed.

Violet commented, "Is it me, or did Leviathan talk like Shorty from Scary Movie?"

Mike smiled and said, "I don't question it."

 **That's the chapter! I'd keep going, but Leviathan's dankness was too much for me. I couldn't stop laughing while typing. Either way, Charlie is getting his 'gift' soon. Prepare yourself for more, and take care, everyone!**


	10. Ordeals of the Past, part 1

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, Yeah, this Leviathan smokes weed. Don't judge him on that.**

 **Chapter 10: Ordeals of the Past, part 1**

The ship landed and crashed in Mysidia, which was a town rich in magic and history. They all met with the elder, who was delighted to greet them. "Greetings, my children. To what do I owe the pleasure of seeing you all here?"

Mike said, "We were sent by Rydia, who had us come here for a purpose we don't know about yet."

The elder smiled and replied, "Ah, yes. Rydia, who I have fond memories of."

Violet muttered, "Ew."

The elder said, "I guess she had you come here because of Golbez. Word travels fast, and Mysidians are still scared since the last time he was here. I think I know what she has in mind. You there in the dark armor, come here." Charlie walked to him. "It is obvious a dark knight does not suit you. I can see a great heart under that darkness. I believe you have a destiny for the light. You must climb the mountain nearby and head to the top. There you will find the answer you seek."

Violet snidely answered, "Thanks, Obi-wan." And then they made their way.

Meanwhile, in a tower far, far away...(Not an overused joke)

Golbez was at the top of the tower, scheming his next move. "Those kids could make trouble. Which is why I prepared them a present. Milon!"

Milon (or Scarmiglione, as the better translation says), is a mysterious figure covered in a cloak. Only a single eye, and his cold, dead hands were visible. "It'sssss been a long time ssssssssince I've been called. Death claimed me, but you brought me back. Why?"

"To finish what you started. You must stop the children before they reach the summit of Mt. Ordeals. Now go."

"Yessss, massster." The creepy Milon vanished in the blink of an eye.

"You'll never stop them, Golbez!" Behind him was Rydia, captured and chained to a throne, wearing a prisoner uniform.

Golbez turned away and said, "We shall see."

 **That's the chapter! Charlie earns his class next chapter. This is where the tides turn, so stay tuned for more! Take care everyone!**


	11. Ordeals of the Past, part 2

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, she has Blitz, but I'm saving Flood for later. Yang kicking the screen made me giggle a little. Did you just call him Milton? That would have been even funnier than the poor translation!**

 **Chapter 11: Ordeals of the Past, part 2**

They arrived at the mountain (as you would expect), prompting Charlie to say, "Just imagine, what I need is up there. My destiny is getting closer."

Violet put her hand on his shoulder, "We have your back, Charlie. I wonder what you'll become."

Charlie replied, "It's hard to tell. I'd imagine there was a reason for being here, so I will climb this mountain to the end."

Mike said, "That's the spirit, Charlie! Hey, what's that?" He spotted a green ball with a small flame inside. "This is a summon!"

"You think Rydia left that behind?" Veruca wondered.

"No way! Rydia never leaves behind a summon. Besides, this power is inactive, so that means no one's ever used it."

Charlie told him, "You should take it. We need as much help as we can get, so maybe you should use it."

Mike said, "Okay," and used it. He however, didn't know what it was or what it could do. "It must not be something in the game, which makes it strange. Maybe it's something completely awesome! Or pathetic..."

They climbed the mountain, making continuous progress. Charlie found it harder to keep going, and was getting frustrated. "How am I supposed to do this?"

"What do you mean, Charlie?" Violet asked him.

Finally, Charlie lost it. "We are on a mountain filled with zombies. Dark Knights are apparently useless against them, and I can't do this!"

"You're right. You can't. Conssssssidering you give up so eassssssily." Milon appeared before them. "I am Milon, the Archfiend of the Earth."

Mike shouted, "Not another monster in a robe! Where are all these robes coming from?! Don't bother becoming a blacksmith or a miner! That's too much work! Be a robe salesman, and you'll be wealthy forever!"

Milon shouted, "Ssssssshut up, you dolt! I was sent by Golbezzzzzz to ssssssstop you from entering that thing over there that lookssssssss like an elevator! I may have failed once, but not again! Fight me!" Milon casted Lightning1 at Mike, hitting him hard. Milon created several other zombies. Mike whispered something to Augustus, and Augustus casted Cure2, but aimed at the zombies. The zombies were destroyed extremely quickly, prompting Milon to attack. He fired Lightning1 again, but missed. Mike summoned Jinn, who created powerful fire.

"Veruca, try using your Ninjutsu!" Veruca looked at her commands and used Flame, roasting Milon. Milon fell to the floor, and Violet finished him with the Jump ability.

They walked past the empty cloak and without warning, they were all hit from behind. Charlie stood alone, and turned to see a hideous creature with rotting skin and tentacles. "I...am...Milon-Z...my poorly transsssssslated name shall risssssse from the dead and finish you."

Charlie turned to see all of his friends were on the ground, poisoned. Augustus was trying to heal but it wasn't easy. Charlie faced the monstrous creature. "Do your worst." Charlie slashed at Milon-Z and it did nothing. Milon-Z punched Charlie and broke off his helmet. He casted Curse, which missed. Charlie took his sword and slashed several times, once again doing nothing. Milon-Z grabbed Charlie and threw him down. He then began to beat Charlie with his fists.

"You are a worthlesssssss human. You think you can defeat Golbezzzzz? No...you...won't...win. I failed before, but not this time. You are nothing on your own. And you will die like the ressssssst of your friendsssssssss." Charlie kicked Milon-Z off balance and then threw the sword. It went right into Milon-Z's face. Charlie ran and kicked the sword in further.

"I will be someone on my own. You won't stop us from doing what's right!" He punched Milon-Z and Milon-Z fell over the side of the mountain to his death (again). Charlie used an Antidote on Augustus, curing the poison. "Go heal them. I will gain this power now." He walked inside to see a small cave, with a mirror inside.

"Welcome," the mirror spoke. "I wholeheartedly receive you with great pride, my son. You are here for your destiny, yes? if so, then take it." A sword came out of the ground. Charlie touched it, and he began to glow. When he was done, he was wearing bright, silver armor. His hair had become silver in color, as well. He had a light shield in his hand, and the sword made him realize his destiny. He had become a Paladin! "Now stop your other side the only way you know how." The reflection in the mirror was still a dark knight. It smiled and walked out.

Charlie blocked the evil side's attack. Charlie was about to attack, but then thought otherwise. The evil side attacked again, but failed to make a scratch. It attacked once more, and didn't hurt him. "You've chosen wisely. You've become a true Paladin, so go forth."

As the door opened, and the light in the mirror faded, Charlie said, "Wait. I had to do nothing to win? Why?"

The mirror said, "I don't make the rules here, you know. What do I care?"

 **That's the chapter! If you know the story, you know what comes next! Take care, everyone!**


	12. Back to Baron

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, Good point.**

 **Chapter 12: Back to Baron**

After claiming the Paladin class, Charlie and the others headed back to Mysidia, to find that they were being attacked. Golbez was at the city creating devastation. "Golbez!"

Golbez turned to them and said, "Ah! I see you have become a Paladin. I wasn't expecting Milon to win, anyway. I have a different plan, you see." He casted Lightning3, causing explosions and casualties. Charlie attacked Golbez with his sword, only to find that he possessed a dark blade. Golbez used his dark blade to block Charlie's attack. "Kneel to me, boy." He casted Virus on Charlie, hurting him badly. "You have not won yet. You may have resistance, but just wait." Charlie got up and Violet attacked with the Jump ability. She stabbed right through his armor. However, it seemed to not work in her favor. Not only was he fine, but he casted Fire3 to greatly harm her. Veruca casted Blitz, but Golbez shielded himself from it. Out of nowhere, he was hit by Shiva, one of Mike's summons.

"I see your lover has taught you well," Golbez mocked. "But she isn't getting away alive unless you stop this madness." Mike withdrew so he could listen. "She is my prisoner. As you know, I have been gathering crystals again. I have all but one, so I have captured Rydia. Mostly because Rosa got desert fever again."

"Dammit Rosa," Mike shouted. "Why can't you stay out of Kaipo?"

Golbez continued, "If you don't give me the last of the crystals, I will kill Rydia. You have one week. And as we speak, Cecil will be dealt with. I have sent another Archfiend and an old friend to attack him at Baron. You have all messed with this world too much, and it's team I use it to my advantage."

Mike grew angry. "Nobody hurts someone I care about!" He then used the summon picked up at the mountain. Out came a Shadow Dragon, a fearful creature. It used Black Fang, a move that kills without fail. However, Golbez was unaffected by it. "I am surprised you acquired such a summon. You shouldn't have, and I don't know how. Still, death won't claim me. Not now, not ever." He then vanished before them.

"We have to get to Baron. There's a road that takes us straight to Baron." They went to two doors. Mike went into one, saying, "This is the Serpent Road. A single portal takes us to Baron on the other end." He noticed Augustus was walking into the other door. "No, Augustus! That's the Serpent Road from Final Fantasy 4: The After Years. It's an actual dungeon, and it's freaking stupid. Go in this one."

After teleporting to Baron, they ran through the Kingdom (because the Ancient Waterway is a stupid dungeon, too) to find Cecil. They found he was perfectly fine. "Hello, everyone. How are you?"

"Cecil, you're in danger!"

"I know." He smiled creepily. "It's in my nature to be attracted to danger. I am Kainazzo (because Cagnazzo was too hard for translation, apparently), and I have come to lure you away. Cecil is not here, because some fool rescued him. But I'll settle for you, and he will, too." They turned to see a creepy lizard humanoid, with snake arms, wearing a toga and a helmet with twin flags on it. "This is Captain Baigan. He was a Royal Guard captain here, until Golbez gave him a gift of strength. Now, I grow tired." He transformed into his true form, a nasty-looking turtle creature with a human head. "Baigan, ready yourself!"

Baigan prepared to attack Violet, but she was protected by a stranger. It was the man that handed Violet the Dragoon Gear. "Stand behind me, Miss, Beauregarde! I am Kain Highwind, Holy Dragoon of Baron!" He jumped and crashed down, killing Baigan in one hit. "I have brought Cecil to Troia, where the last crystal is. Make your way back into the city and request an airship. I will deal with Kainazzo. Go!"

The children ran out to the city, unaware of what happened in the castle.

 **That's the chapter! Next will come another confrontation, so stay tuned. Take care, everyone!**


	13. Cheaters

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, Sorry I forgot to answer that question. Truth is, I don't actually have an estimate. To Guest, that thing was ugly. And poorly translated.**

 **Chapter 13: Cheaters**

 **We will now have a brief intermission**

Mike: So, Troia isn't that far away. It's a kingdom that has been guarding the Earth Crystal for some time. It also is a kingdom of practically all female residents.

Violet: How do they manage that?

Mike: Probably male hookers.

Charlie: Or imps.

Mike: -_-

Augustus: What do we do when we get there?

Mike: Probably ask them about the crystal, and to borrow it.

Veruca: And if they say no?

Violet: I could do something about that. *draws spear*

Charlie: No! We are not using violence! We will just negotiate. *Grabs lamp*

Mike: Hey! That is my lamp!

Charlie: I know, it was looking rusty.

Mike: Let me do it! *rubs lamp* *lamp shakes* What the-?

*Out comes a genie*

Genie: I am the Game Genie! I have the power to grant you three wishes.

Mike: What is this?

Genie: It's a gag based on the cheat device of the same name, buddy. Deal with it.

Mike: Okay, I wish for- You guys fine with your abilities? *everyone nods* Okay I got one. I wish the Cockatrice summon wasn't dummied out in this version, and that I already had it.

Genie: *blinks* It is done. What else can I do for you?

Mike: I wish for an item that allows me to get three summons of any monster I choose. Even bosses.

Genie: Too bad Baigan and Kainazzo are dead, but okay! *blinks* Done.

Charlie: Kainazzo is dead?

Genie: Yes, Kain successfully beat Kainazzo and they're all safe. Last wish? (Please be my freedom)

Mike: I wish that we were already at Troia, and that you were free as soon as it's done.

Genie: Really? Thank you! Can I give anything else? PHENOMENAL COSMIC POWERS?

Mike: No thanks. We're good.

Genie: *blinks and everyone is now at Troia* You know, even though I'm a gag that's been held off until the writer got too impatient to move things along, I am glad that I'm free! Good luck everyone! And you can keep the lamp! *vanishes*

Violet: Here we are! Let's go save Rydia!

 **END INTERMISSION**

 **That's the chapter! Next comes the DARK ELF (sort of) and then Rydia's freedom! Stay tuned for more! Take care, everyone!**


	14. Obtain and Rescue

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, They won't, and you'll see why. And it isn't ever known how often the fourth wall is broken. Sometimes, I build it back up, so I can break it again.**

 **Chapter 14: Obtain and Rescue**

The Castle of Troia was huge. It was quite extravagant, which explains why everyone practically lives there. Mike was right when he said almost everyone in the kingdom was all female. That is, except for the male hookers. The girls were gawking at Charlie and Mike, while Violet and Veruca were getting jealous. "Can they stop staring at you two? It's like they never seen a man before."

"Welcome, children," The ruler said, "I am the head Cleric. My name is Leonora, and I welcome you."

Charlie stated, "Hello. We have been sent by the Warriors of Light, in order to receive the Earth Crystal. We need to borrow it."

Leonora looked with frustration. "I would loan it, but that foolish Dark Elf stole it and headed to his lair."

Mike twinged. "Dark...Elf..."

Leonora was delighted, "Oh you've heard of the Dark Elf! He lives in a cave with strong magnetism. You can't equip anything metallic."

Violet observed, "He has that look in his eye again."

Mike stomped over to a telephone and used it right away. "Golbez, this is Mike. Listen, my friend, I'm not sure you know this, but ARE YOU CRAZY! THE ONE YOU DIDN'T GET IS THE ONE THAT GETS STOLEN BY A SILLY-LOOKING LITTLE GOON NAMED THE DARK ELF? HIS CAVE IS PURE EVIL, AND SEARCHING FOR THE MAGE SUMMON IS PURE HELL! JUST CAST METEO RIGHT ON THE CAVE AND I WILL GET YOU THE CRYSTAL, EVEN IF I HAVE TO DESTROY AN ENTIRE ARMADA TO GET TO IT! Yes, thank you, and goodbye."

They all heard a shaking, and meteors were flying down from the sky. The crashed right on the Dark Elf's lair, killing it before it even knew what was happening. In the rubble, the Earth Crystal and a mage summon was sitting there in the open. Leonora was in shock. "You may borrow the crystal."

They used the direction of the meteors to determine where the Tower of Zot was. The Tower of Zot was a citadel in the sky, where Golbez holds several operations. The went inside, where every monster was just sitting and talking.

"I tell you, Valerie, It's super boring sitting here doing nothing." A Black Knight named SwordMan said. "We should just leave."

"Where can we go? We're in the sky! By the way, my name is EpeeGirl, not Valerie. Hey, who are those hunks over there?" She pointed to Mike and Charlie. "Hey boys! I bet you could have some fun with me!"

Charlie said, "We're looking for Golbez."

EpeeGirl flatly said, "He's at the top. We'd attack you, but you have the crystal, and we're too bored to care. Do whatever you want."

Near the top, they encountered three girls. One tall with a spear, one chubby with a scythe, and one shrimp with a shrimpy knife. "Want to just walk out in front of them?" They shrugged their shoulders, prompting Mike to walk ahead.

"Hello, everyone! I'm Sandy!" The tall one said.

"I'm Cindy!" The chubby said in a deep voice.

The shrimp said in a high pitch voice, "And I'm Mindy!"

Mike said, "You're the Magus sisters, and you want to fight us. Can we get this over with?"

Sandy said, "We're not fighting you. We're too bored, so..." The girls started texting each other. "By the way, you over there..." She was pointing to Charlie. "Call me."

They walked inside to see Golbez taunting Rydia, who was still captured. "GOLBEZ... You really need to let your allies out more. They are so bored, we walked here."

Golbez sighed, "I know. It's so boring, I was delighted to destroy that cave for you. Still, I'm planning to dump this dump. Half of the mechanical enemies don't even work. Still, you have the crystal?" Mike handed him the Earth Crystal. "Excellent. Valvalis!" A wind came into the room. A beautiful blonde in a revealing outfit arrived. "This is Barbariccia, but her poor translation name is Valvalis. How someone translates that bad, I don't know. Oh, and Rydia is free to go." He released Rydia and escaped.

"I am Valvalis, archfiend of the wind! You stand no chance-"

Mike interrupted, "We so don't have time for this." He summoned the Shadow Dragon. It used Black Fang, instantly defeating her. They stood over Valvalis, who was whimpering.

"Please don't kill me! I don't even want to be with Golbez! I was forced into it! I don't even like being a demon! Please spare me!"

Mike replied, "I won't. I have a better idea." He used the item that he got from the genie. "Now you are a summoned monster."

Valvalis kissed him on the cheek, "Thank you! Thank you! I won't forget this!" She disappeared after. Mike looked to see he had two more of the summoning item. He had to use them wisely, he thought.

Rydia came over, "Thank you for saving me!" She kissed Mike on the cheek, as well. "Now I can get out of this prison uniform!" She took the uniform off, only to be naked again!

Violet groaned, "Oh come on! We've seen Rydia naked too many times! Let's just get out of here!"

 **That's the chapter! Next comes the next step into the story! Take care everyone!**


	15. Subterranean Encounters, part 1

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, The game is not yet over. There's still more to come! To mattTheWriter072, It's all right.**

 **Chapter 15: Subterranean Encounters, part 1**

Following the Tower of Zot, they dropped off a still naked Rydia back to Mist. "Man, she is the poster child of a free spirit," Veruca commented.

"A quality I bet Edge found endearing," A voice said. It was Kain, who was carrying a red rock. "You must take this rock to the well in a city near this really tall tower. Drop it in, and you'll find out more. So long."

Violet asked, "Aren't you going to tell me more? And how to properly be a Dragoon?"

Kain said, "No." He jumped to the airship's mast, and said, "You've done a fine job already, my apprentice." He jumped off and vanished.

They arrived at a town named Agart, where there was a dried up well. A gnome ran to them and said, "Stop! What are you doing with the well?"

Violet said, "We're just putting this rock in."

The gnome said, "Oh. By all means, go ahead. This well is an eyesore, and we all hate it."

As Charlie dropped it in, Veruca said, "What do you mean by-" Out of nowhere, lava fired out of the well, destroying it, and opening a hole in the middle of town. "What just happened?"

The gnome answered, "You opened the Underworld, as we have waited for. It's been a while since someone did it, but that stupid well keeps coming back. We don't even use it, we use the reservoir nearby. I recommend you go inside to discover more."

They went in the airship and landed inside the Underworld. Imagine seeing an entire underground world under your own city. It was incredible, seeing this entire underground. They saw a castle in front of them, labeled the Dwarven Castle. They went inside, unknowing of the dangers ahead of them...

mwahahahaha, etc. etc. etc.

 **That's the chapter! Are you ready for more of the Underworld! Well, hang on until tomorrow! Take care, everyone!**


	16. Subterranean Encounters, part 2

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, I wouldn't have it any other way.**

 **Chapter 16: Subterranean Encounters, part 2**

The Dwarven castle was just as appealing on the inside as it was on the outside. The dwarves themselves were rather interesting themselves. They all wore purple or blue armor, and their faces were shrouded in mystery. Only the eyes were visible, which made them mysterious. They were friendly, nevertheless. "Hello, everyone! Lali-Ho!"

Violet answered, "Did you just call me a ho?"

They walked to the throne room, where the king and his daughter, Luca, presided. "Welcome. I am King Giott, and this is my daughter Luca."

A text box appeared and said, "I ALREADY SAID THAT."

Mike said, "We don't have time, I'm afraid. Luca's dolls and Golbez are going to steal the dark crystal in back."

Giott replied, "WHAT? Come with me!" They ran behind the throne. The dark crystal rested in here, perfectly safe.

Violet said with curiosity, "I thought you said Golbez had the Crystals."

Mike explained, "He does. These are the dark crystals. This is the part where he comes in to take them. And he'll get them fast. They're here." He pointed to six dolls, dancing in a creepy manner to creepy music. They turned back to see Dr. Lugae playing the organ with a wide smile. "Just ignore him for now. We'll see him later. The silver dolls are named Calca. The orange ones are named Brina. Combine them to make Calcabrina, which is something you don't want to face." The dolls began to attack.

Mike summoned Indra, zapping the Calcas. Veruca used Pin to hold a Brina while she threw ninja stars. Violet jumped in the air and didn't come back down yet. Charlie attacked, and Augustus healed. The dolls got their chance and combined. Calcabrina showed up, a creepy, giant doll with huge, creepy eyes, short blonde and- wait a minute. Violet hasn't come back down in a while, so- holy shit! She landed and embedded her spear in the doll's head, sticking out through it's eye. The doll screamed in a high pitch manner and became destroyed.

The next sound they heard was metallic hands clapping. "Excellent, though I must admit, the dolls weren't much of a threat, were they?" It was Golbez. "Now you've decided to get in my way, so you've forced my hand for the last time! I will deal with you myself! Golbez cast Lightning3, which missed. Everyone attacked as hard as they could, but they weren't hitting him. "Now... face my wrath!" He used an attack called Hold Gas, and it-

WAIT JUST A MINUTE. JINN TRANSLATED FROM IFRIT IS ONE THING, USING VIRUS INSTEAD OF BIO IS ANOTHER THING, AND I CUT THEM A LITTLE SLACK WITH KAINAZZO INSTEAD OF CAGNAZZO. BUT WHO THE HELL THOUGHT IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO CHANGE BINDING COLD TO **HOLD GAS?** OUT OF ALL THE TRANSLATIONS THAT THEY MESSED UP, HOLD GAS IS THE ABSOLUTE WORST. I LOVE THIS GAME, BUT THE AMERICAN TRANSLATION AND CENSORSHIP WAS DOWNRIGHT ANNOYING. (IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW, I DON'T LIKE CENSORSHIP. IT CUTS OUT OTHER PERSPECTIVES)

Hold Gas paralyzed everyone, and that's when he summoned the Shadow Dragon. It started using Black Fang, knocking them out one by one. When it got to Charlie, Mike broke out of his paralysis. "I've had it with this guy!" He then summoned the Mist Dragon (something he didn't get just yet), and defeated the Shadow dragon. He used a Life1 on Augustus, who brought everyone back up. "Now it gets serious!" He summoned the Titan (another one he didn't have yet), and it used QUAKE. It managed to defeat Golbez in one blow.

"Whoa! I'm impressed, Mike!" Violet said to him. Golbez fell with a thud. "You actually defeated Golbez. We should see his face under the helmet."

It was then Golbez's hand amputated itself, grabbed the crystal, cast Virus to draw everyone back, and teleported away.

Charlie commented, "That was disgusting and infuriating. How does he keep doing that?"

Mike said, "It doesn't matter. What matters is we need to do a few things to make us better. Follow me."

 **That's the chapter! They will next work through other obstacles, and then go to a tower(sort of). Take care, everyone!**


	17. Change in Effect

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, I despise the idea of censorship. It's condescending to people's understanding, and it makes me sad knowing people use fear and shame to suppress thinking. That's just me, though.**

 **Chapter 17: Change in Effect**

The group made it to the Tower of Babil, where Mike side the attention was needed. The dwarves were at war, and it was the best time to infiltrate and help them. Don't get me wrong, the dwarves are some badass tank-users, but let's face it. You're not going to make progress shooting at a force field to no end. But as they arrived, no one was there.

"I don't get it. There should be a war here," Mike observed.

Dr. Lugae arrived in front of them. He had a giant robot that looked like Frankenstein's monster, sitting at a piano. "There was, but I thought you'd be here. I thought to greet you personally to laugh in your face. May I introduce my robot over there?"

The robot waved and smiled. Mike asked, "Does he really have a tag on him?" Lugae guided him over to see the tag. It read: "This is Balnab, because Barnabas was too hard to translate."

"The dwarves were here. However, I saw how you defeated Golbez so quickly, and I've seen how powerful you've become. So I bolstered the force field, and I had the machines come out here to attack."

Mike's mouth gaped open in shock. "The dwarves would have tried to break the barrier, but to no avail. The monsters then would've blitzed them..."

Violet finished the sentence with just as much shock, "...and slaughtered them without mercy."

"Right. Now you have no way to get in." Lugae got on top of the piano Balnab was sitting at. "Now as you chase me back in, play me some filler, Balnab!" Balnab started playing, but he played the notes out of order. "Wrong ones, Balnab!" Balnab then played them in the right order as the gang chased them. They then crashed into the barrier. and fell down. "Fudgesickles! Balnab, let's make tracks!" The flew out of the area and went above ground.

"How are we going to get in now?" Charlie said.

Mike explained in a sad manner, "I think I really get it. Our actions have changed the course of the story. It's our fault they're dead."

Veruca comforted him, "Mike, this isn't real. We make it real when we experience it, but we need to distinguish that we aren't in the real world. Our actions have no consequence here. We must protect ourselves, and do what we need to. Otherwise, we will die, and that is the real consequence. So, what would you do at this point?"

Mike thought. "I'd go for optional stuff to strengthen us. Besides, there is a way in the Tower of Babil without trying to risk ourselves. Not to mention, a Ninja is the best way to do it."

Veruca said, "That's the ticket, Mike. You are the key to us winning. You are the one that knows this game. Even if it changes, you have knowledge they don't predict. They are programs. You, however, are the real deal."

Veruca and Mike hugged as he said, "Thanks, Veruca. I really was wrong about you. You're really cool."

Veruca blushed at this and said, "So what do we do next?"

Mike stood up and said, "Charlie, I know you have the Paladin powers, but-"

Charlie interrupted, "Oh, by all means. You are the true leader here."

Mike stated, "We will head first to the Cave of the Sylphs. That way I can gain their Summon. After that, we shall head to the Land of the Summoned Monsters."

 **That's the chapter! Those two places are next, so we will see more of what's to come! Take care, everyone!**


	18. Hidden Lands, part 1

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, at least they improved on Final Fantasy 6, which makes me happy because it's m favorite Final Fantasy game. To JOHNHAMMOND1993, He has to be, because this is where things get real.**

 **Chapter 18: Hidden Lands, part 1**

"Now that we have made it into the Sylph caves, let's search for a house that lies within," Mike suggested as he guided them through.

Violet noticed several glowing spots on the ground. "Hey Mike, what are these?" She stepped on one and it shocked her. "Ow! What was that?"

Mike said, "I know, environmental damage in an RPG. Weird, but not that bad a concept. Augustus, is your level high enough to cast Float?"

Augustus looked up, and his level was way higher than the others. It was at 54, while the others were at level 42 (With Violet at 44). "What the? How did you...?"

Augustus stated, "I vanted to learn as much as I could, so I went to zis forest and attacked monshters for hours. I realized we didn't actually need to get ze sleep to be healed."

"Well okay then. You're one level away from learning every spell in your arsenal. If you would cast Float," Augustus casted Float on everyone. Interestingly enough, it did not make them float. Instead, all it did was put an icon of a wing above them.

"Be careful, as this place is crawling with nasty creatures. Especially Malboros, because they spew nasty breath attacks that could cripple us."

Charlie asked, "Is that supposed to be a reference to Marlboro cigarettes?" Mike shrugged his shoulders.

A text box appeared that said, "It sounds like it, but it is also because it translates from the Latin and Greek words _Mal(Bad)_ and _boro(breath)._ But the players don't normally know that because this game translates it to, get this...Molbol."

Mike replied, "What the hell is a Molbol?"

Another text box came in, "Why don't you ask him. He's right behind you." They turned to see a freakish green thing with giant teeth, plant appendages, and no eyes. It roared in their faces. It breathed at them, which prompted them all to run.

"Text box, help us!" Augustus yelled. A text box appeared and said, "No."

Mike summoned Titan, who opened a hole in the floor. The Molbol fell in, and it shouted, "I'll get you crazy kids!"

They went further in, and found a lone house. Three fairies stood by, watering the Molbols. "Hello, children. Do you like the Sylph Cave?"

Violet drew her spear and said, "We would if those things weren't around."

The sylphs ushered them inside. "We are the Sylphs. We have existed for ages, and we take care of this place. I know you are here for our summon, so here you go. Would you like us to send you to the Land of the Summoned Monsters?"

Mike asked, "How did you know we were going there?"

The sylphs giggled. "We've sensed you in the Underworld. Which is why we want to make your job easier. Have a safe travel!" They were all teleported to the Inner Sanctum of the Land of Summoned Monsters (what a mouthful).

Mike then said to the Summoned Monsters, "We're here to see the King and Queen, out of utter convenience."

 **That's the chapter! Next comes Leviathan and Asura, so stay tuned! Take care everyone!**

 **EDIT: THERE IS NOT GOING TO BE A CHAPTER TOMORROW. IT WILL CONTINUE ON THE 16TH.**


	19. Hidden Lands, part 2

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, yep. To mattTheWriter072, you have to remember, they're overleveled. Also, I always casted reflect on her so the healing would go to me instead.**

 **Chapter 19: Hidden Lands, part 2**

"AYYYYYYY WAZZZUUUUPPPPPP?" The group was greet to Leviathan, the dank snake monster himself. "It's ya boi Levi!"

Asura arrived in as well. Asura had six arms, three faces, and gigantic stature. "I am Asura, Queen of the Summoned Monsters. This is Leviathan, as you have been introduced."

Violet asked, "Aren't you the king?"

Leviathan answered, "Nah bruh, I just chill here. My bro Bahamut is the king, and he hasn't returned from the big bright thing in the night sky. It's lonely, but the people here love to chill, too. Shiva may not show it, but she knows how to party, if you know what I mean."

Mike looked around, "Last time I saw this place, it was larger."

Asura explained, "I know, but the developer thought it would be interesting to have a Bomb as a summoned monster. A BOMB. They blew the top floors of our cave wide open, which means the Sylphs have to bring people here until we fix it. Now then, I understand you are here to gain our help. Which is why I accept your challenge." Asura drew a sword and said, "Come at me!"

Asura was fast and strong, but was no match for the beloved heroes. Veruca used her Blitz, Mike casted Lightning3 and summoned the Mage to keep Asura pinned, Violet jumped, Augustus used arrows and healed, and Charlie used his sword. Asura went down fast. (And you may or may not have a dirty mind reading that)

Leviathan looked up, "What did I tell you, Asura? I told ya you had no chance and they were gonna kick yo ass. I should've went first. I'll demolish them." When Asura gave them her summon, Leviathan created a tidal wave to start. "Now it's ya party!"

Leviathan casted Ice2, hitting Violet. She then saw a new command called Lance. "Don't know what it does, but." She used it, and it allowed her to summon a dragon from her spear. It hit Leviathan and came back to heal her.

Mike said, "I don't think that's the right game, but who gives a crap?"

Leviathan summoned another wave, but Veruca used Blitz to split the waves. "Ah, Moses and that burning bush. Good times," Leviathan reminisced.

Mike then decided, "Valvalis, come with us!" The beautiful archfiend emerged.

"It's about time, Mike! TORNADO!" She summoned a vicious cyclone, destroying any water attack, and defeating Leviathan.

"WOO! That was a blast! Take my summon, man! We oughta chill some time, bros! Now head to the Tower of Babil, and pop caps in their asses!"

 **That's the chapter! Next comes the Tower of Babil! Take care, everyone!**


	20. Evil Lurks Within

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, There are no rules with a parody! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Fun fact: The Lance ability actually comes from Final Fantasy 5, but I figured it would be more fun to have Violet do something other than Jump all the time. To Guest, yes, I altered the events so they can deal with the Tower of Babil all at once.**

 **Chapter 20: Evil Lurks Within**

As it turns out, Mike figured out the only way in to the Tower of Babil was to use a certain cave. The Cave of Eblan, which was on the surface world, was a place where Eblan warriors trained. They were wiped out far before the party even got there. From then, the kingdom belonged to Edge, but he remained unhappy through it all. Which is why he still adventures through the lands. And yet, the cave felt like home to Ninjas.

"Okay Veruca, now that the intentionally crappy exposition has finally been done with, I will teach you how to infiltrate the barrier." He held Veruca's hands, which made her blush again. "Focus on the way through. Look through it to find the weak spot. Then, train your power to rip through the barrier. Once that is done, we'll be past it." Veruca focused for some time, then drew her blades. She sliced through the barrier and they all jumped through.

The Tower was filled with technological advances, to the point where it didn't look like human technology. Of course, that wasn't the problem, was it? For they witnessed Dr. Lugae again. He was dancing to that creepy music again while Balnab was playing it. "Oh, Balnab! Technology has reined in my lifetime, but nothing like this! Those foolish children won't come in to stop me either."

Violet broke the deranged loon's concentration. "Don't you hate when you say something, and we magically show up? Comedic timing, am I right?"

Dr. Lugae commanded, "Balnab, attack!" Balnab went over to his master, however, and slugged him right in the face. "Not me, you bucket of bolts! Them!" He kicked Balnab and made it go to attack them. Balnab was strong, attempting to attack each time. He was however, sluggish. Mike summoned Valvalis to use Tornado, weakening Balnab and draining him of oil. "Valvalis! You dare betray us? Golbez will not be pleased!"

Valvalis casted Maelstrom, knocking back Balnab and blowing it's head off. "I don't care what Golbez thinks. Mike is all mine!"

Mike looked to Violet, as if to say, "Am I unintentionally creating a harem?"

Dr. Lugae jumped into Balnab's damaged body to take control. "Now see here, I will use Balnab-Z!" He punched Valvalis in the face.

Mike complained, "Really? Adding a Z makes you feel special? Only one thing has done it right, and it was a Pokemon! And by the way, the oil is draining even harder now. And you know what happens, don't you?"

Dr. Lugae jumped from Balnab-Z before he exploded. That's when he lost it. He got really angry, and it started to make him gag. He doubled over suddenly and his hair started falling out. A nasty, metallic, skeletal hand emerged from his arm and ripped away the flesh. His metallic skull ripped through his face, and his flesh began falling off. Dr. Lugae was no more and a robotic monster was left in. Violet said, "That... is... disgusting." She turned to everyone. "I got this."

She used her Lance command to drain some health, followed by using her spear to deflect his attacks. He used Poison gas, but Violet used her spear to create a gust, blowing it away. She proceeded to exchange blows with the monster, until she finally got him. She managed to pierce his organic heart with her spear. She removed it, and he fell down the nearby shaft to his death. They proceeded onward, to find two figures before them.

"Hello, dear children. We are the King and Queen of Eblan. We have been stranded her for a long time, but we are happy to see bright faces."

Charlie held his hand out to shake theirs, but Mike stopped him. "Wait! Something isn't right. The King and Queen perished before the game even started."

The two smiled. "We can assure you, we are alive. BUT YOU WON'T BE FOR LONG!" The two turned into horrific creatures. The king turned into a blue, demonic giant with wings. The queen turned into a demonic snake with wings at her head. Her body was a multitude of yellow, green, and purple, with her human still remaining. The heroes begun to attack, but Mike stopped them.

"Don't fight them. Just sit here."

The king and queen attacked, but the heroes kept dodging them. "Why is this easy? The data says they both have 60,000-63,000 HP!" Charlie said as he casted Libra.

Augustus cried out, "VHAT? ZHAT IS A BIT MUCH, DON'T YOU SINK?"

Mike said, "These aren't really bosses. They are event ones. They are only level 15, you know. Shame, this could have been awesome."

As if on cue, the two demons regained their senses, "What is happening?" Mike was about to talk, but the queen told them, "We haven't much time. We must banish ourselves, before we lose our humanity. It's the only way to stop us."

Mike then took out the summon item he got from the genie. "Actually, I disagree." He threw it at them, and they were both put in it. "Now that you two are Summoned Monsters, you won't lose control anymore.

The two approached him, "Thank you, kind young man. It will be an honor to serve by your side."

Mike bowed with respect. "Indeed. Now, about your attacks. Fire1 and Fire2 just won't cut it."

The King: I can use Heat Ray.

Mike: Ooh! That's more like it!

The Queen: I can use Dark Breath.

Mike: Now we're talking!

After this, the two vanished to the Land of the Annoyingly Long Name. The group traveled up one more floor to meet the one in charge. "Greetings, noble warriors. I am Rubicante, the archfiend of Fire. I also defy poor translation by adding an 'e' to my birth certificate. After all, that joke has run its course. Welcome to the Tower of Babil." He sensed something about them. "Ah, you have the King and Queen of Eblan on your side. I was hoping they were alright. That wretched Dr. Lugae killed them and mutated them on his own without me knowing. I feel bad for Edge, considering they were his parents. Nevertheless, I can see you killed the vile traitor."

Mike said, "Enough talk, let's go!"

Rubicante replied, "I like your charisma. I am the noblest of the archfiends. Come, I shall heal your wounds so you can face me at full strength!" He healed each one of them fully. "Now, fight me with all your might!"

 **That's the chapter! I must admit, I'm kind of struggling a little to do my best. I do wish to ask, Mike has one more summon item from the genie. What should he use it on? Also, no new chapter tomorrow. I have something to attend to.**


	21. Rubicante and Odin

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, yes indeed, and then there is another battle after (sort of).**

 **Chapter 21: Rubicante and Odin**

Rubicante started by casting Fire2, then Fire3. Mike said, "Don't worry, his Glare attack is the only one to be worried about! Everything else kind of sucks!"

Violet used the Lance skill to heal herself again. Charlie attacked, but Rubicante blocked with his cloak. "As long as my cloak is active, no ice or water will harm me!"

Violet jumped while Mike summoned the Mist Dragon. "Since the Mist Dragon is non-elemental(which makes it suck a little), we can use that against you! Seriously dude, you don't have to tell us all of your attacks. I mean, we haven't done much and you're already half health!"

Rubicante said, "Ah! But you are overleveled. And I really want to lose!"

Everyone stopped, "What?"

Rubicante said, "I had hoped that this Golbez would be like the one I know. But I am wrong. He is much more evil. I want to stop serving him, but how?"

Veruca suggested, "Maybe Mike could have you as a summon?"

Rubicante rejected the offer, "Thank you, but I'd rather let the audience vote on it. I can let you win the fight, and teach Veruca the Flood Ninjutsu."

Veruca lit up. "I still have something to learn? Is it good?"

"It's marvelous! And powerful, too! In fact, you should have gotten Blitz too, but...exigent circumstances from the Unseen Master above us." He looked up at a text box that said, "Don't be a cheeky bastard." "All you have to do is focus your sense of anger."

Veruca tried and tried, but she couldn't do it. "I can't. I've changed too much."

Violet said, "I have a way. Veruca, I sold a bunch of your Ninja Stars to pay for an Adamantite from this loony merchant."

Veruca exploded, "You did what?" Then, she accidentally used Flood, weakening Rubicante heavily. "I'm so sorry!"

Rubicante laid there as he was dying. "Thank you...Go for Odin and the moon."

Mike, knowing exactly what he was talking about, chose to return to Dwarven Castle. "Well," the Dwarf king commented, "One crystal is still left, and it is sealed away. Golbez will try to get it. It's in the Sealed Cave, and this is the key to get it. Here." He gave Mike the key and sent them on their way.

Mike walked to the door of the Sealed Cave, dropped the key and a note and walked away. "Come on, we're heading to the Baron Castle."

Everyone stopped to read the note...

 _Golbez,_

 _This is the worst dungeon in the game. Even worse than the Dark Elf's lair. I hate this one so much, I really don't want to go in it. We are all really high leveled anyway. If you want this crystal so bad, you can have it._

 _Mike_

 _P.S. The key is under the mat._

Mike led them inside a chamber in Baron Castle, where Odin waited. "Hello, warriors. I am Odin, the former king and a summon for your friend. Defeat me and I will-"

He was suddenly interrupted by Mike casting Lightning3 and Veruca casting Blitz. He walked over to a crushed and defeated Odin, saying, "Give me your summon."

 **That's the chapter! I used to beat Odin really fast, so that joke was based on personal experience. Again, I ask you, what enemy should I use the last summon for? This is mostly to mattTheWriter072, a few guests and missingmontyoum, since I only know of them knowing the game. Take care, everyone!**


	22. To the Moon, part 1

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, This is indeed the final arc of the story. Not the final chapter, but the final arc. To mattTheWriter072, I will not make a decision until tomorrow. Also, Bahamut is coming very soon.**

 **Chapter 22: To The Moon, part 1**

"And that's why we came to you. You are the only person who has the way. Now, we should've knocked so we wouldn't catch you smoking weed with Leviathan, but then again, Leviathan is supposed to be acting like MLG Snoop Dogg. The author happens to like him, so it isn't really far-fetched."

The Elder of Mysidia and Leviathan stood and looked at each other, confused. Leviathan walked out (which is weird because he's a serpent), saying, "Yo I'm out. Later, EM!"

Mike stopped him, "Is that what you meant by burning bush?" Leviathan nodded. "Well, okay then. Take care, Levi." He walked to the Elder. "We need the Lunar Whale. We need to get to the Moon, and it is the only way to get there. We need you to-"

The Elder snapped his fingers, and the Lunar Whale started to rise from the ocean. It was a gigantic starship with amazing power and might. "I have been waiting 20 years to do that."

The kids all went inside to observe the amazing technology. There was a crystal in the middle to power the ship, and could also be used to control it's flight. Violet asked, "Wow. Who designed this? Pimp My Ride?"

The Elder said, "The Lunarian known as Kluya designed it. He was Cecil Harvey's father, and the one who bestowed the power to Charlie."

Charlie asked, "You mean the strange mirror that kept talking to me, and had the creepy music playing?"

The Elder nodded. "This ship has been used by many special beings: The Lunarians, The Five Heroes...Santa Claus. Anyway, just start it up, and you'll get to the moon. Maybe you should get Bahamut's help as well."

Mike exclaimed, "Of course! Bahamut is the King of Summoned Monsters! He is very powerful, and helpful. We shall find him first. Now, so long Elder!" The Elder jumped out quick enough before Mike and the others blasted off straight to the moon.

 **That's the chapter! You'll find out what the last summon item will be next chapter! Take care, everyone!**


	23. To the Moon, part 2

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, That's how he does it all in one night!**

 **Chapter 23: To the Moon, part 2**

When they reached the moon, everyone walked around to see that it was desolate and freakish. That, and Augustus wouldn't stop playing the tuba to the music.

"The Cave of Bahamut is nearby," Mike stated. "I'd keep a sharp eye out."

Violet asked, "Exactly what is it about Bahamut that has you on edge?"

Mike stopped in his tracks. "Bahamut is the most powerful summon there is. He has amazing, raw talent. This cavern also possesses Behemoths, which are muscular creatures capable of ripping through us. Not to mention Bahamut's signature attack: Meganuke."

Veruca stopped him, "Whoa! We are going after something that creates nuclear explosions?"

Mike said, "Don't worry. It's just that crappy translation again. Look, I have a spell called Nuke. It's really Flare, but poorly translated. AGAIN. Meganuke is really Mega Flare, and it requires a countdown in the battle. Not to mention it is reflectable. Augustus, we will need you on that AND WILL YOU PUT DOWN THE TUBA?" Augustus put the tuba away and Mike continued. "As I was saying, We are powerful enough to beat him with our strategy. Also, the Flare spell sounds really cool on this game."

Inside the cavern, there wasn't an average cave. Rather, there were steps leading to the throne of Bahamut. Three behemoths stood at a point of the stairs. " **Are you the ones that have been sent by the first five heroes?** "

"Yes, we are. I am Mike Teavee, summoner of the apprentices. We are here to challenge you for your summon."

 **"I am Bahamut, King of Summoned Monsters. If you must challenge me, you must defeat my three Behemoths."**

Mike boasted, "I'll take on all three right now!" Everyone was shocked to hear this.

"Mike are you crazy? You said could rip us to shreds!" Violet shouted. He whispered something to Veruca, who in turn told everyone to let him face it alone.

 **"Very well. I accept your terms. Let the battle begin!"**

The three Behemoths jumped down to attack. Mike used his last summon item on one Behemoth, then immediately summoned it. The Behemoth blocked the attack of it's brethren before countering. It defeated both with no effort. "I figured a Behemoth's best way to win is by countering. So my Behemoth defeated yours with the damage he absorbed." He petted the Behemoth. "Who's a good purple demonic monster with a yellow mustache?"

Bahamut descended to Mike. **"Impressive display of intellect. Now face me! 5..."**

Mike summoned Titan. **"4..."**

Mike summoned Leviathan. **"3..."**

Mike summoned King and Queen of Eblan. **"2..."**

Mike casted Nuke. **"1..."**

Mike casted Meteo. **"0..."**

"Now Augustus!" Augustus casted Reflect on Mike. Bahamut used Meganuke, which bounced off and defeated himself.

 **"Excellent! Well done! You have exceeded my power, and for that I lend you my summoning! I guess I should head home now."**

Mike said, "Oh yeah! I forgot to ask you. How come your wife is by herself while you are here?"

 **"Yes, well...I was destined to come here for you to defeat me. I jumped at the opportunity because my wife was yelling at me again. You ever had to deal with a significant other with three faces? By the way, can you bring these two girls with you?"** He pointed to these two identical girls standing next to him. **"Leviathan has been pimping again, and he left these two behind because he thought it was funny. They just stand here and do nothing, and it drives me nuts!"**

Violet grabbed the two girls, and said, "Come on, we need to drop off the hoes and go."

Mike stopped her and said, "Oh, we should go somewhere on the moon first."

"But we need to go to Earth."

Mike frowned and said, "Trust me. We will be forced back to Earth again. Just you watch."

 **That's the chapter! After doing research, and taking the ideas into account, I decided to make the Behemoth the last summon. Apparently, it was going to be a summon but was scrapped. I didn't know that. Anyway, take care everyone!**


	24. Obvious Transitional Chapter

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, the final boss isn't here just yet. It will be a little while longer. There's about 3 chapters left in the story after this one, really. To mattTheWriter072, It's probably because of German Polka. And yes, that is correct.**

 **Chapter 24: Obvious Transitional Chapter**

"There it is, everyone! The Crystal Palace!" Mike shouted as he pointed to a sign that said "CrYsTaL PaLaCe." "Lunarians are such weird spellers."

Inside stood a lone man with silver hair and beard, blue and purple robes and a rod. He also looked like Christopher Lee for some reason. "Welcome, heroes. I am FuSoYa, the brother of KlUyA. I am a Lunarian watching over the moon for centuries. Humankind has evolved for ages, and we wished for peace. There was one who did not. Zemus, a Lunarian with psychic powers, rebelled against us. He was sealed away, but could still influence. He influenced a very powerful man, and the brother of Cecil."

"Golbez," Mike muttered.

"Exactly," FuSoYa continued. "Golbez followed his orders without any thoughts against. He couldn't think for himself, but was freed by me. Golbez and I defeated Zemus, but from his hatred rose Zeromus, a vengeful spirit. Cecil and his comrades destroyed Zeromus. That is, until Zeromus' Malice came from within. It is the spirit of Zeromus' corporeal form, and therefore able to be permanently destroyed. Golbez and I tried to destroy it, but we could not. Since then, Zeromus' Malice has been roaming the moon, looking for a way to destroy Earth. He seems to have a new Golbez serving him, as the real Golbez has been asleep here."

Mike gasped. "Oh no!"

Veruca asked him, "What's wrong, Mike?"

Mike realized, "This is the part where Golbez summons the Giant of Babil!" FuSoYa pointed them to a conveniently placed telescope. Mike looked through, "Oh crap, it's already there!"

FuSoYa told them, "Quickly, to the Lunar Whale! I will join you!"

When they got in the ship, the traveled straight to Earth. Violet suddenly started getting grossed out. "Oh God!"

"Vhat is it?" Augustus asked.

Violet pointed to the menu screen. "Look at FuSoYa's portrait! It's hideous!"

FuSoYa looked at it and said, "That doesn't look like me at all."

 **That's the chapter! The Giant of Babil is there, and that's where things get interesting! Take care, everyone!**


	25. The Giant Truth

**Response Time: To mattTheWriter072, Zeromus' Malice is a boss in Final Fantasy 4: The After Years. It's at the end of Golbez's storyline before everyone meets up together for the final battle. However, the boss fight doesn't end, and it's left unknown what happened to Zeromus' Malice, and Fusoya, who was left behind. I made a little continuation of that, since this takes place in a mix of The After Years, and the main story. So now, Zeromus can be destroyed for good, and the plot can be finished on that. I've been making casual references to the After Years, as you may have seen already. And as long as the CPU battle continues to suck, I won't forget it. To JOHNHAMMOND1993, yep.**

 **Chapter 25: The Giant Truth**

When they reached Earth, The Giant of Babil was walking along, destroying as much as it could. "Destruction of Blue Planet in Progress..." It said in a booming voice. It fired lasers, cast magic, shot missiles, and used whatever it could to destroy.

FuSoYa said, "We must get inside the Giant and attack it's CPU."

Mike shouted, "Not the CPU! Anything but that! Also, could you stop talking? The author is getting annoyed with constantly typing your name."

The others emerged from the ship and went to the Giant's foot. FuSoYa hit the foot and a entrance opened up. They first spotted the stomach, which was disgusting. Charlie slashed at it, which caused a Searcher to appear.

Mike told everyone, "Wait! If we get it to constantly call enemies, we can level up big time!" They fought this thing for hours. HOURS. During the fight, they would go to sleep and the Searcher just stood there and waited for them to wake up. All of them successfully reached level 99 because of it.

"Shouldn't we have woken up sooner?" Veruca asked.

Mike explained, "Don't worry, time doesn't move here." He winked at her, making her blush again. "We can fight as long as we can, and when it shuts down, the Giant will still have barely done real damage." They emerged form the stomach and went to the heart. That is where they met Milon-Z, Kainazzo, and Rubicante, resurrected from the dead. Mike summoned Valvalis to talk to them.

"Don't attack us, please!" Valvalis cried out. "We just want to pass by!"

Milon-Z hissed, "You betrayed ussssssss!"

Mike told them, "I brought her to my side. We are giving you a chance to walk away and lead your own lives. Besides, your leader is about to be taken out of his hypnosis."

Milon-Z stopped. "I'm okay with that."

Rubicante said, "If I can leave here without any devotion, I'm cool. Let me heal you while I'm at it."

Kainazzo, however, grew angry. "You dare turn your backs on Golbez? This will not do. If I am alone, I'll have to kill you!" He turned into Kainazzzzzzzzzzzzzo-Z, a level 99 monster. "How do you like this?"

Violet arrogantly said, "We are all level 99." They all attacked him at full force.

Kainazzzzzzzzzzzzzo-Z said, "Crumpets," and died once more.

They had finally reached the CPU, and Charlie destroyed the Attack and Defense Nodes while it slept. That woke up the CPU. "You really shouldn't have done that, Charlie," Mike said with a frustrated look on his face. The CPU rose up and used Globe 199, which dealt 9999 damage instantly. It took out FuSoYa.

FuSoYa rose up. "Don't worry! I'm a plot point character! I can't die right now!" Mike summoned the Shadow Dragon, but Black Fang did nothing.

Mike said, "Oh no! I forgot Black Fang doesn't work on bosses! Well, at least I can use him to tank damage."

FuSoYa told him, "You do know a Shadow Dragon only has 1 HP, right?"

"Shit."

The CPU used Globe 199 again, defeating the Shadow Dragon. Mike summoned Bahamut, Violet jumped, Charlie swung his blade, Veruca casted Flood, and Augustus casted Holy. The CPU was finally shut down. Mike told them, "If we weren't so overleveled, that would have been hell."

Golbez came in angrily. "Destroy my Giant, will you? Then face the consequences!" FuSoYa then hit him with a ball of light.

"Golbez, awaken from your hypnosis!" Golbez reacted and stopped immediately. FuSoYa commanded, "Remove your helmet!"

Golbez took off his helmet, but the reveal shocked everyone, including the audience! The man behind the helmet, the one causing all the trouble...was Willy Wonka himself.

 **That's the chapter! Remember Willy Wonka was separated from the rest of them, but no one asked where he was. Well, he was right in front of them the whole time. An explanation will be provided in the next chapter. The finale will be on October 25th, so take care until then!**


	26. Near the End

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, The one who hypnotized Wonka was Zeromus' Malice. To Guest, he was always there. ;) To Guest, they will be the focus of this chapter.**

 **Chapter 26: Near the End**

Wonka was still in a trance before waking up. "What happened? Children, what's going on?"

FuSoYa used a spell and said, "Your memories are right here. Let me show you."

Wonka looked through them. "I remember now. After being separated, I woke up on the moon. I stood before a horrifying creature that stuck me under his control. My mind was locked in my body, and I couldn't do anything else. Now I guess all I can do is say sorry for everything. I can't excuse my actions, but-"

Mike told him, "It's fine. You were Golbez, but you had no control. It's Zeromus that has to answer for his evil deeds. He has hurt us, influenced evil to attack us, destroyed lives and families, but he won't get away with it. By the way, how did you get so powerful so fast?"

Wonka shrugged his shoulders and FuSoYa said, "I will take Wonka with me. We will deal with this together, and you will defeat him. I know you can, but I think you should gather the equipment guarded by monsters of Zeromus. I will teleport us to the moon right away!"

Arriving at the moon, the group camped out, while Wonka and FuSoYa moved forward into the Lunar Core. Everyone talked while Mike wandered off. When he came back, everyone continued their conversation. Hours after everyone went to sleep, Veruca woke up in the middle of the night, swords drawn, and walked inside the Lunar Core alone. She walked around, until she saw what she was looking for. "There they are! Just like Mike said they would be!"

 **Obvious Flashback**

Veruca thought back to the two of them, cozy by the fire, as Mike told her, "The Murasame blade and the Masamune are two ninja blades that are perfect for you. They are guarded by the poorly translated Pale Dim, and Ogopogo. But we can take them. Not to mention I have something for you." He handed her a spoon. "This is a spoon. It is also the most powerful throwing item you can get. I want you to have it."

Veruca chuckled and got closer, "A spoon? You can't be serious. But I will still throw it when we reach the final boss, just for you." She leaned in to kiss him, but he stopped her. "I'm sorry."

Mike said, "No it's not that. I'm just feeling something bad is approaching. But we can talk about this after, I promise."

 **End Obvious Flashback**

Veruca approached the weapons and suddenly the enemies appeared. She drew her blades and attacked Pale Dim. She then casted Blitz on it, but it did nothing. Pale Dim casted Earthquake while Ogopogo attacked. She was hit with the Slow Spell and was getting beaten by the both of them. She got up and held out the spoon. "No. I promised Mike I would use it later." She threw Ninja Stars and sliced with her blades at amazing speed. Even when slowed, she still had impressive speed. Ogopogo however, casted Tidal Wave. It prepared another one, but then both were defeated by Bahamut. On his back was Mike, who landed before Veruca. "Mike..."

Mike told her, "I know. You were feeling weird because you tried to kiss me. It's okay. But you were endangering yourself." Her grabbed her hands. "I don't want you to go from me." They were about to kiss, but Augustus walked in. "Ahhh! What are you doing here?"

Augustus held up two Ribbons. "I vent exploring because I saw everyone leave. So I vent inside and found zhese two treasure chests. They had Ribbons in zhem but these two bony creatures came at me."

Mike said, "The D. Lunars. They are known as Lunasaur, but in the shit translation, it's D. Lunar. Go figure."

Augustus said, "Right. I fired ze arrows at zem (vich I missed because I didn't use zhe Aim command) and I remembered you told me zat healing hurts ze undead. So I kept healing zem until they vanished. I took ze Ribbons and came here."

Veruca said in shock, "You took two bosses by yourself but I got whooped by those two."

Mike whispered while handed her the weapons, "To be fair, he had an advantage of healing, and he had the weakness of the undead. Although, you could've used Pin, but I didn't tell you yet. And you damaged them pretty badly. I just finished them off."

Veruca glared at him, basically saying he wasn't helping. However, Violet and Charlie were holding each other up and walking with painful smiles. "We did it!" Violet shouted while holding the Holy Lance.

Charlie, who was holding the Crystal Sword, said, "I guess we had the same idea, huh? We went for our weapons ourselves so we could help everyone else with theirs. We found the sword in front of something claiming to be Bahamut. It turned out to be something that called itself Wyvern." Mike shuddered hearing that name. "We got hit badly, but our combined talent took it out. Jumping, Lance, and my sword are a nice combination."

Violet finished the story, "That's when we ran into Plague." Mike shuddered again hearing that name. "It tried to hit us with Doom, which put some number above our heads. Then he tried to make the timer go faster, but I don't think he knew how to use the mechanics to his advantage. Either way, we could've had trouble, but our level is way too high.

Mike faced the rest of the cavern, "Well, I guess we might as well move forward. But first..." He summoned the Bomb summon. "Can you go to camp and put out the fire?" They watched the bomb float off. "It's another hidden summon, which I managed to get while everyone was talking by the fire. When I came back, Veruca and I...talked."

 **Another obvious flashback**

Mike: "I'm going to look for the last hidden summon."

Everyone: "Don't get attacked by anything else."

 **End obvious flashback**

"Now let's go get that evil, hideous, crummy-looking aberration."

 **That's the chapter! The finale is tomorrow, so stay tuned! Take care, everyone!**


	27. Home Again

**Response Time: To JOHNHAMMOND1993, sadly, all things must come to an end. And the movie is "Finding Neverland." I've heard of that one. Also, since this is the last chapter, thank you to qwertyasd for requesting this story!**

 **Chapter 27: Home Again**

 **BRIEF INTERMISSION**

As they walked through the final caverns to Zeromus' throne, they came across an unknown person wearing a hood and robes. This person sprang out, surprising them all. Violet screamed, "Ahhh! It's Adlai Stevenson!"

Mike said, "No, this is the Famed Mimic Gogo! What is he/she doing here?" Gogo handed him the Stardust Rod, the most powerful rod in the game. He/she gave Mike two thumbs up and ran off.

 **End Intermission**

They had reached the stairs to see Wonka and FuSoYa fighting a gargantuan man with blue skin, and a long flowing coat. The man did nothing but he did resist their attacks. That is until Wonka and FuSoYa casted Twin Meteo, destroying the man. "Children come quickly!" Wonka said to them. "That was Zemus. Zeromus' Malice managed to create a body of his old self to inhabit, but we have just destroyed it."

FuSoYa explained, "When Zemus was destroyed the first time, his spirit rose up as Zeromus. But then the true form was revealed by Cecil and was destroyed again. Zeromus' Malice is the reanimated corporeal form of that spirit. When Cecil destroyed it, he only destroyed the spiritual half. The primal, corporeal half is all that remains, and we can all defeat it permanently. Now we can finally end the threat we failed to end years ago."

Violet asked, "Where is it?" That's when a Nuke spell was casted. It missed everyone except Wonka. Wonka got up and said, "I'm okay. I took a Meteo and Black Fang attack, remember?" He casted Nuke, revealing the monster. It was a horrific mess of a creature, but colored with a particularly gloomy shade. It then hit everyone so hard, the Moon felt it. Everyone was down to 0 HP, except Mike, who was with 1 HP. Mike got up and said, "This is our time now. We will destroy you, Zeromus' Malice! We won't fail! Our impact has created a monstrosity, but we will do everything we can to make up for it! Now it's time for the moment I've been saving. I summon you, Asura! Bring my friends to life again!" He summoned Asura, but she ended up using Cure4 on him, healing only him. That's when Mike had it...

"SERIOUSLY!? YOU HEALED? I WILL BE HONEST ASURA, YOU ARE USELESS. YOUR GIMMICK IS ONE OF YOUR THREE FACES SHOWS UP, AND YOU EITHER HEAL OR BRING TO LIFE. AUGUSTUS IS CAPABLE OF THAT, AND HE DOES A GREAT JOB! MULTIPLE TIMES PLAYING THIS GAME, I HAVE NEEDED HEALING ONLY FOR YOU TO USE THE LIFE SPELL. WHEN NO ONE WAS KO'ED! NOW YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO REDEEM YOURSELF BY USING THE LIFE SPELL AT THE RIGHT TIME, AND NOW YOU DECIDE TO HEAL! THIS IS WHY BAHAMUT DOESN'T FREAKING LOVE YOU!"

Wonka threw a Life1, bringing Augustus back to life. He used this opportunity to revive everyone, while Wonka held off Zeromus' Malice. When everyone was back up, the true fight began. Zeromus' Malice casted Meteo, hurting everyone. FuSoYa used his Blessing command to help regenerate while Wonka bounced Nuke and Meteo spells at the repulsive beast. Violet jumped, Veruca slashed and used Flood, Charlie used his sword, Augustus kept everyone alive, and Mike summoned Bahamut. Zeromus' Malice, however, still was taking damage, but was still up. It casted Big Bang, which created a gigantic space storm above them. It brutally hurt everyone, and knocked them all down. But that's when Veruca stood up. "Leave the ones I care about alone!" She was immediately struck down by a Nuke spell. Wonka got in front and casted Meteo again, badly hurting Zeromus' Malice. Mike was enraged at seeing Veruca harmed, so he got up and summoned the Behemoth. It absorbed Big Bang that the monster casted, and countered. Zeromus' Malice was weakened heavily.

Mike picked Veruca up, and said, "Now is the time. Use the spoon." Veruca looked at him with skepticism, but threw the spoon. It did 9999 damage, knocking Zeromus' Malice down to 0 HP. The monster started to break apart and evaporate, before being destroyed for good. Every one of them laid down and passed out. They had done it.

They woke up in the Village of Mist, in Rydia's house. They woke up to seeing her naked (again). When the free spirit finally put some clothes on, she said to them. "You did it, everyone! You saved the world, and the portal to get home just opened up outside, so you are free to go." They all looked at each other and smiled. Rydia said in a sensual voice, "Now you can get that kiss you were promised."

Mike however was looking at Veruca, who was blushing. "I'm sorry, Rydia. You are a nice person, and a great summoner. However, I think I like someone else." He kissed Veruca, who jumped in surprise. "You can kiss anyone else, though."

Rydia went up to Augustus and made out with him all of a sudden. Charlie looked and said, "I never get a beautiful girl to kiss me." Violet smirked at him saying this and then suddenly made out with him.

Violet said, "Don't be so sure." She suddenly looked to the reader reading this right now and said, "What? This is a parody that's not to be taken seriously. I don't have to explain why I did that. Besides, it was kind of hot."

They all stepped through the portal as they waved to the in game characters. They had finally came home, appearing back in the factory. They looked to see they were in a different wing of the giant place. They realized, however, that they were still in their costumes. Not only that, they had the spells they had learned. "What's all this," Mike asked.

Wonka said, "Maybe the game rewarded us with our own powers. Either way, let's get changed, and I will store our costumes in the perfect place. Then we should go find your parents." After that, they lived their lives, meeting each other and having fun. Not to mention using their powers for good.

 **Not satisfied with the ending? Too bad, it's 1:58 am as I'm writing this. What did you expect when I'm tired as hell?**

 **Also, The End**

 **That's the story! I will be on a 2-3 week break, and when I return, No Escape will be available. It will be a horror story that was requested by JOHNHAMMOND1993. Also, from here on out, I will be posting chapters every other day instead of everyday. I need more time to focus. I will still be around from time to time as usual, so don't worry about missing me. ;) Take care everyone, and also have a Happy Halloween!**


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